God Only Knows

I'm a Christian. You might find that hard to believe. That's ok. I find it hard to believe. That's why I'm not very good at it. What makes me a Christian? I believe in God; I believe in Jesus; I’m not too keen on lions; I go to church every week... well, as often as I can you know... not religiously; and of course, most importantly of all, I'm a hypocrite. The things I say, I don't do, the things I do, I don't say. I'm not alone in this, let's lay it out there, most Christians? Utter monkeyfathers! And that would all be very well, if! they kept it to themselves. But oh no. You’d think for a people who’ve found God, and not only that, but He turns out to be a nice guy, they be a little easy going. Not a chance. These guys aren't happy until you have validated their beliefs by accepting them. These guys wanna spread the 'Good News'! Now I don't know about you, but, for me, good news is hearing there's been a refridgeration issue at the Ben & Jerry's factory, and they're giving away spoons. Their idea of the good news? 'You're wrong! You're wrong! You're wrong and wrong and wrong and you're going to burn eternaaa-leeeeeee!! [pa pa pah!]' Not really something to wake up for is it? Let me set the record straight. The good news is this: The primary purpose of each and every one of us is to be loved by an everlasting God, who created us for that sole reason, and all we have to do is turn and embrace that. That's the good news baby. Burning forever in a sea of eternal flames unless you repent and turn to a God you don’t believe in? Save the postage my man.