Water Sports

I have been told to swim. Apparently it’s good exercise and good exercise what I need right now. Whatever. I swim, I choose a pool, I jump in at the deep end. Now when I was younger I used to have the whole aquatic lifestyle going on, I had the trunks, the goggles, the 200m badge, the chlorine-soaked pyjamas, I was an otter in speedo's. No problem. But it's not then, it's now, so problem, and now, as I jump in and start splashing, the water rises, rises around my eyes, fills my ears, covers my head. It appears I no longer have the gift of buoyancy. Ok don't panic, I think, human beings are natural floaters, just relax, lie back and you’ll stay above water. I relax, lie back, and sink like a stone. I cough water out of my nose, blink chlorine from my eyes and rethink. Commitment is what this needs, I need to break out a few of those strokes that brought me the glory of the '87 200's. First I go for breaststroke, but that seems an awful lot of effort to put in for the return, I switch to front crawl and swallow a lung full of water with each breath rather than the intended oxygen, I backstroke but lose my direction and end up plowing through a group of mothers and babies, lastly I resort to doggy paddle, executed so poorly puppies everywhere are renouncing the stroke and turning to butterfly. I've had enough. An eight year old kid floats by and I jump on, dragging him down with me. He struggles but I hold on tight. Get off! he cries, you’ll kill us both! Shut up and get us to shore, I tell him, imagine you’re Lassie! He whirls his arm in a flurry of action, spraying water all over, but slowly, like a very small pink paddle-steamer he turns us and we head in the right direction. At that moment I notice a girl standing next to us, looking at me like an idiot. Ah. I'd forgotten that in the 15 years that have passed since I last did this I've grown and can now stand up in the deep end. What a moment.