Head and Shoulders

So, Crabs. I gotta say, I like ‘em. And not the beach variety either, I'm talking about the undercover lovers here. I mean really, what are they but the jaunty little creatures of the STD world? All they need is a bit of PR and they could be the new Tweenies! Hands up anyone who’s got crabs? Nope? Too busy scratching I guess. They're not like lice, lice are mean and prey on innocent school children. Crabs aren't like that, they're shared through love! How can they fail to be friendly? Maybe we could start some sort of exchange program, so these creatures could share their cultures and learn from each other:

Teacher Louse: Ok class, let's all say hello to our visitor!
Class: Hello Mosseur Crab.
Crab: Bonjour! Je suis un crab. Ja mapelle Cristoph. Ja’beat au scrotum.
Teacher Louse: Now class, Cristoph comes from down under, just near the pubic region. Has anyone been there?
Jimmy the Louse: Yes miss! My dad once got lost and fell off an ear and and and he said he went there and saw a giant-
Teacher Louse: Thank you Jimmy. Oh look it's snowing! Let's all go outside teach Cristoph how to build a snowman!