Side-Splitting

Help! I can't laugh. Seriously! I'm a prisoner of my own funny bone. When I giggle I get a pain so bad down my right side I see stars and my vision doubles. This is no laughing matter, I've nearly fainted twice. Very not funny. It's changing who I am, my rhythm, my outlook, me! I have to frown now, no more laughing and joking johnny, austerity is held like a gun to my head. No more Seinfeld, no more Marx Brothers, I watch nothing but Beaches and Terms of Endearment. I have to preface every conversation with a strict instructions on quips, retorts or smart assing of any kind. And this life without laughter is having quite an impact on who I am. In just a few short weeks, I've changed! I have issues, I discuss them neverendingly over carrots and humous, I listen to Trisha and think sometimes she has a good point, I watch the Wright Stuff and consider phoning in. Oh man, I don't like myself anymore, all this time alone has made me realise I'm not happy. I was happy until I realised I shouldn't be. And now I'm getting swallowed by this melancholy of the middling, and I feel pretty lonely.