Oh! my God! i miss you

I look out past London landmarks as the carriage clatters over the bridge. Cold sunlight beams through the windows, my eyes wince in the shadows, my mouth is fur, my tongue thick, I've been up way too long already. I look down at my hands and clench my fists, my knuckles whiten, deepening the yellow green bruises, raising the collapsed veins and tightnening the pocked needle marks spotted with blood. I roll my sleeves down and rub my hands. I arrive early and sit in an empty restaurant as above me a mirrorball spins. They bring me a plate of food and I eat extravagance, shovelling forkfuls down my mouth in a bid to get nutrition, taste irrelevant. A woman enters, dark hair, dark skin, dark skirt, she sits at a table and drinks six beers, consuming nothing but cigarettes. Her eyes suck up the vacant tables as she reminisces the day away, her tight skin pulling her face into malevolence. Later that evening I'm on stage somewhere. There are lights and people watch me. I say things, they laugh, I say more things, they laugh more laughs. I leave finally and finally I go home. I vomit twice in my bathroom sink. I rinse my face and look at my sunken skin and darkened eyes. In the morning I am too weak to get out of bed, my body has collapsed in fatigue and will remain there for 36 hours. I call and cancel my show, my pillow smells of sick. The clown is asleep in me now and I can lose all things.