Insults and Injuries

Sometimes I'm a bit too quick witted for my own good. At work the other day I was performing miracles at a table of two girls, two guys, after one spectacular feat one girl piped up 'Whoa! You're just like David Blaine!' My standard response to that has always been 'Yes, but shorter and with a less attractive girlfriend.' Now, it should be noted that I created this pat quip when I was single, cynical and possibly deeply unhappy. Realising the current implications for both me and my beloved, I decided to improvise on the fly and blurted out: 'Yes, but shorter and surrounded by less attractive women.' Needless to say they didn't leave a tip. However I don't always come out on top, a couple of weeks ago I walked up to a table, blew up a balloon and popped it to produced a full bottle of sparkling mineral water. The adults squealed in delight, until their six year old son, icy with contempt and purged of all christmas wonder, cut me down with the incredible line: 'you're embarrassing us, and you're embarrassing yourself. Now go away!' But, of course, I had nowhere to go.